


Under the Lights

by suikadesu



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Feels, M/M, One-sided feelings, baeksoo - Freeform, tipsy Baekhyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-26 14:50:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12061221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suikadesu/pseuds/suikadesu
Summary: Baekhyun's thoughts during that JYP Party People episode.





	Under the Lights

**Author's Note:**

> woah 1K+ word vomit
> 
> Look at me writing some emotional Baekhyun  
> Look at me writing BaekSoo
> 
> Obviously inspired by the fan accounts from JYP Party People's EXO episode and the storm that's been raging all night.
> 
> I swear the episode hasn't even been released yet but I'm already emotionally wrecked. T.T
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy(?) this totally unbeta-ed piece of feels. That is all. /cries in hangul

 

 

 

Baekhyun sighs, his heart constricting a little at the way the light brings out the softer angles of Kyungsoo’s face.

 

 

He introduces himself as someone of no importance, someone who has not done anything good. Just simple like that. And Baekhyun can’t wrap his head around it.

 

_How could someone with a face and a heart as beautiful as Kyungsoo's feel worthless? Ordinary? No good?_

 

The thing is though, he can. He understands the weight of the spotlight, the blur of the crowd, and the deafening silence that comes after all the schedules are done. And sometimes, just like Kyungsoo, he feels as if he’s fighting the war alone. He forgets that he’s got the rest of the members running after the same goal as he is. He forgets that he shouldn’t be too hard on himself. He forgets that he is not a burden and that he is loved, that he has brothers who will stand by him no matter what.

 

Kyungsoo’s brows furrow as he talks about the sacrifices he’s made, about not having any regrets despite all the hardship.

 

He’s trying to keep things positive but Baekhyun hears the weariness bleed out behind his words, sees it in the littlest motions: the slight wavering of Kyungsoo’s tone, the tiny twitch his mouth does when he feels uncomfortable.

 

He butts in before anyone could change the topic and firmly reminds everyone, especially Kyungsoo, about how much he has accomplished as an artist, as an actor. Not only as D.O. but as Do Kyungsoo.

 

He plays it off as another display of support from member to another member. Brotherhood and all that shit. Might fool others but he knows his members know it runs deeper than that. It always has for Kyungsoo.

 

The conversation shifts to him and Kyungsoo being total opposites. Baekhyun's the naughty and playful one while Kyungsoo's the quiet one.

 

It's a fact that everyone showers him with affection, like they know to do especially when he's being his extra self, something in him still feels starved. So he jokes around more. He pushes, and pushes, and pushes, until finally, Kyungsoo grabs him by the scruff of his neck, deciding he's had enough. A small reminder that there are lines he shouldn’t cross.

 

 _Oh, if only Kyungsoo knew how badly Baekhyun wants the lines between them_ _gone_.

 

 

 

 

 

There are nights when Baekhyun can’t sleep, his body is restless with thoughts of Kyungsoo: how all he wants to do is taste him, skin against his tongue, those fingers in his mouth. To trace that constellation of moles with his tongue. He longs to hear Kyungsoo moan, deep and ragged, to swallow the sighs and whines from that sinfully beautiful mouth.

 

On some mornings, Baekhyun wakes up with his head swimming with vivid images: Kyungsoo under him, face flushed, bright eyes begging for release.

 

So he bites down on the back of his hand, on his fingers - a poor attempt at deadening the hunger and need to feel Kyungsoo shiver under him. To touch Kyungsoo in the places he needs to be touched, to map the beauty that rests in those weary bones. To tell him in wordless ways how precious he is.

 

His Kyungsoo wants more -  _more, please Baekhyun-ah, I need more pleaseplease_ -

 

He touches himself instead, body shaking as he comes, hard, Kyungsoo's name hanging from his chapped lips.

 

The bliss fades and shame follows.

 

But deep inside he knows, it's more than just sex. Hell, it's never really been just about sex. After all, he's the type of person who can't compartmentalize, can't separate the physical from the emotional.

 

And this, this is why it's terrifying.

 

Because for Baekhyun, it's all or nothing.

 

 

 

 

 

On days when Baekhyun hates himself, Kyungsoo knows just the right words to say, knows just how to say it the way Baekhyun needs.

 _You are special Baekhyun-ah._  
_You don’t need to bear this alone._  
_We love you._

 

All he really wants is to say it back. Especially in moments like this one now, when Kyungsoo thinks he’s not worthy to receive any love.

 _You are special._  
_You don’t need to carry all this alone._  
_We love you, Kyungsoo-_ yah _._

_I love you._

 

But Baekhyun tries not to say it too much, afraid that anyone might hear the truth lurking beneath the words. Afraid that someone might notice the fact that he’s so soft, too soft. That he’s so far gone for Kyungsoo.

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun’s laughter jerks him away from his thoughts.

 

He brings Jongdae’s cocktail back up to his lips and takes a long sip. He wants to drink more but this isn’t really the appropriate setting. Already, he’s clung to Kyungsoo more than once. Clearly, the alcohol he already has started to affect him, no matter how little he’s consumed. His defenses are slowly coming down.

Jongdae squeezes his thigh softly. A reminder that they’re on national television and therefore it’s totally inappropriate to cling to Kyungsoo like a barnacle.

 

Halfway through the show, Kyungsoo throws him a concerned look. He just shakes his head and asks for a bottle of water to help wash down the emotions constricting his throat.

 

 

 

 

 

There’s only so much emotion a person can put into words.

 

There’s too much — too much affection, too much love — that sometimes, Baekhyun’s heart can’t catch up. Sometimes, it feels like he’s just trying to keep his head above the waves, trying not to tip over the edge. There are no footholds, no safety net, no road signs or instructions on how to proceed. There never is, not with love.

 

If he ever does get to writing his feelings down, he'd give it to Chanyeol to look over. Being the person that he is, Chanyeol would no doubt hype it up and probably say that it’s the best thing he's ever written, swear on his toy car collection that no one, not even Mnet, can stop it from being an all-kill song.

 

Kyungsoo would probably just call him cheesy but offer to sing it for him if he wants.

 

He ducks his head to hide a smile at the thought.

 

The lights shift against Kyungsoo’s face again and Baekhyun is transfixed. Kyungsoo turns his head to face him, eyes wide, heart-shaped lips turned up in a smile. 

 

 _For as long as I am wanted, for as long as I am needed,_  
_I am yours._  
_All yours._  
_Just yours._

 

 

_Yep, that's an all-kill song right there._

 

 

 

Baekhyun smiles back.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> drop me a line :)
> 
> Twitter: @yeolsoo_1261


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